Confession

⁷ “Why does this man speak thus? It is blasphemy! Who can forgive sins but God alone?” (Mark 2:7)

I cannot - I argued yesterday - be forgiven if I will not forgive.  By the same token, I cannot forgive unless I am forgiven.  Why is this?

For that it is so, I know quite well, even if I find it difficult to explain.  The cause, it seems, is that forgiveness is holistic.  It is not forgiveness to say that I do not hold against you the wrong you did me - and go my way, indifferent to you.  This is to say that you are not important to me - not important enough even for me to be angry.

Forgiveness and anger must often go together.  You have hurt me - perhaps deeply.  I am angry - angry at your own misbehavior; your lack of love and care for me; your action against yourself in doing something 'like that.'  I am angry because I love you and forgive you - and I want us to be one.

But when I myself am not forgiven - let me be very plain here and say 'forgiven by God' - I bear my own guilt.  I wish to hide myself from the very One Who is all my good and all my bliss.

And you - you are either forgiven by Him and at one with Him Who is (if I am not forgiven) against me.  You are on His side.

Or else you, also, are fleeing from Him - we cannot be one with one another without being one with Him (Francis Thompson: The Hound of Heaven):

I FLED Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.	5
Up vistaed hopes I sped;
And shot, precipitated,
Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears,
From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.
But with unhurrying chase,	10
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat—and a Voice beat
More instant than the Feet—
‘All things betray thee, who betrayest Me.

Confession.  This priest - this man who is himself a sinner like me - he places the stole - the yoke of Christ - across his shoulders to hear my own confession.  He is the Hand of God reaching out to touch me, to comfort me, to reassure me that I am forgiven.  God may, indeed, be angry with me - particularly if my sin is grievous.  Hence penance.  Hence, if need be, Purgatory.  I first learnt of Purgatory from C. S. Lewis, in my first year as a Catholic:

Our souls demand Purgatory, don’t they? Would it not break the heart if God said to us, ‘It is true, my son, that your breath smells and your rags drip with mud and slime, but we are charitable here and no one will upbraid you with these things, nor draw away from you. Enter into the joy’? Should we not reply, ‘With submission, sir, and if there is no objection, I’d rather be cleaned first.’ ‘It may hurt, you know’ - ‘Even so, sir.’